I don't know how to describe my day today. I guess there is no real emotion to do so, not one I can think of anyways. To feel the absolute terror I felt with the thought my daughter could've been kidnapped, molested or....worst.......and there was nothing I could've done at the moment. I wasn't there, I was working and she was at the locoal community playground with her daycamp. And to find out it was over a week ago that this took place.

It was so innocent, I am driving home with my 6yr old daughter ( who will be 7 in 2 months), I had just picked her up from her new daycare and were talking and laughing. We had just picked up KFC for supper. She took my hand and starting playing "this little piggy" but with my fingers which we always do. But she had changed some of the words.

" This little piggy said bad words this little piggy said none! "

I stopped her right away and said "that's not how it goes"

She said " but that's what that man said"

"What man" I was felt my heart begin to race. I wanted to ask so many questions at that very moment. I wanted all my answer's at that very moment, and I wanted it to be not what I was thinking.

"The man at Muskiseepi" she replied like I should've known... duh??

I asked " when did this happen babe? Who were you at he the park with?" she changed child care programs within the last week and one was located at that park, and the other went to visit there recently.

She replied that it was when she was with the old daycamp, the one that is located on site at the park. This park is central to our city, it is our walking trails, skate board park. It is nice, big and holds a wide variety of activities so it's not like it is just a playground where strange men can be spotted. They walk around all sides of the play area, you can see it all the time with their dogs. All sorts of people. Prime spot for a predator.

My daughter demonstrated on me what the stranger had done, and if it were my friend I wouldn't have anything to say but bad choice of words. I continued with simple questions. Some yes or no, and some where where she had to describe things to me. Want to make sure there wasn't an imagination running away, hers or mine!!

But I don't know what strange man held my child's hand and tickled up her arm with odd words for a children's nursery rhyme. What was the purpose of it!!!!! Is it a plan to gain the trust of a child, cause of the daycamp right there? The same child day after day until the time is right? Subtle movements, no attention! In a place like this you honestly wouldn't be sure who is who. I always walk around with her as she plays there and I am there cause it can get confusing there with so many kids running every which direction.

My daughter was alarmed with my reaction, she said "Mommy he only held my hand!! He was nice!!" I was really trying to play it cool, don't think I was all that successful, not by the end anyways.

I felt like the worst parent in all the world, no universe, no ... not sure what is bigger than that right now but you get the picture. I have taught the basics. But I have relaxed because it's not the "big city". I grew up differently, it was just like being taught to walk, I was taught "DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS". I havent' pushed it on her like that.

I want to protect her so much from the bad things so she can grow up happy, she might very well fall victim to it if I am not careful. No one to blame there but myself. How would ever live with that one. Don't think I could.

Talk to you kids!!

SCREAM STRANGER

RUN AWAY

MAKE NOISE

DON'T GO BY YOURSELF TO THE WASHROOMS

BUDDY SYSTEM

TALK TO YOUR CHILD CARE PROVIDER'S

ASK QUESTIONS

NEVER PET ANIMALS WITH STRANGERS

DON'T TAKE CANDY FROM STRANGERS

STRANGERS NEED HELP TO FIND SOMETHING, RUN AND YELL FOR HELP

GOOD TOUCH

BAD TOUCH

STAY WITH YOUR TEACHERS

OK TO TELL IF SOMETHING DOES HAPPEN........WE LOVE YOU

YOU DID NOTHING WRONG......WE LOVE YOU

Make sure they know you love them. My daughter thought I was mad with her! i Told her I was scared but she wasn't sure. She never seen that look in my eyes I know. She is a very perseptive child, and I hate it in times like that. She can see right through me, she is my best friend and I almost lost her. That man could've taken her!! He had her hand in his!!!

I am over loaded by emotions of unbeleivable magnitude.

What if.......

This is ME.

Hi,

Guess i should introduce myself. I'm Annalee, and I am originaly from Newfoundland Canada. Proud of it too, beautiful place to visit. Note the "visit" part, just could never live there. Not enough work. I now live in Alberta, Canada and have so for 10 yrs now. I enjoy it here, hot summers and cold winters, best of both worlds lol. I work full time outside of the home. I work with really awesome people!!! I always have a good day at work, now how many can say that and mean it. Then I go home to take care of my daughter who is turning 7, (she is not 6yrs old, she is turning 7 yrs old). I am 28 yrs old and don't care to say I am older than I acually am lollll. I am a single mother who has resorted to living with her parents to make ends meet. I have to say my parents are the best in

the world, without them I would be in a very hard place. Daycare is ridiculous here, along with rent. Can't do it on my own right now. I will honestly try not to bash her father (my ex) on this blog but will not make any promises. The man is a dead beat drunk who doesn't pay child support or help pay off his half $$way too much debt$$$ that he so graciously left me. Court order my ass, don't mean a damn thing to him!!!! Well ok, got that out of my system, lets move on.....

So what can I say about myself. I am on a new adventure in my life. I titled my web page here "AWESTRUCK" because I am amazed of how wonderful my life can be, the choices I have. I have survived a very terrible relationship that I will not get into today, some other time. I don't want it to define who I am, but there is no way to do that. I am now trying to make new life for myself and my girl. It's made me a stronger person all the way around. It has made me realize just how important life is, and the choices we make. The shock waves from the choices we make will forever shape the rest of our lives and the people around us. My daughter will be never be the same, psycoligicly she fighting her own battle and I am giving her the tools to win. I am watching her develope and make sense of the world around her. She is exremely intelligent and what can I say, she's my girl!! She will never make the mistakes I did, she learned already at the age of 5 what alcohol can do to a family.

I am in one word "AWESTRUCK" with how my life is turning out. Nothing is how I ever thought it would be lol. The people I thought were my friends for life are gone. The guy I thought for some reason I would marry, I won't. I thought by now I would have my own house and I don't. I feel like I have been to hell, But I am happy!!!! I am in control, as much as I can be. Everyday there is something else I see or think of and say awesome !! This is my life, my choice. Kind of sucks too cause got no one to blame but my self either lol.

I am "AWESTRUCK" of life its self, the things that happen are unbeleivable. I am so proud of myself and it's ok for me to say so. I am in the process of disovering who I am too. I lost myself in someone elses world, and now I am having fun on the road back. It's a never ending road from the way I see it. With age we see things differently all the time so we are always discovering things about ourselves. Till the day we die. Lets just hope we pass on enough to that our children will get one step further than us and so on and so on.....

CANADA DAY CELEBRATION
My daughter and I went to the see the fireworks last night with our friends Ashely and Lance. Savannah and I painted our faces and surprised our friends. They had a blanket out waiting for us, and a perfect location with a clear view. Lance had some friends join, and the 6 of us had a good time. We told jokes and laughed, and we gazed wide eyed into the stars. Watching the bright colored patterns light up the night sky. The sounds of our community joined together to share such a beautiful night.

Looking up into the sky, it all had such a different meaning for me now. Not sure what it meant before, all I know is it never felt like this before. Watching my daughter's face light up when the fireworks started, her little jumps with the loud noises. How she cuddled into to me wrapped up in her blanket.To hear her words "I Love You Mommy" has made every hardship over the last year worth it. To feel the level of comfort we have now, to see our friends with us knowing that they truley care for us the way we are. To live with no fear, and have freedom. I am providing the safest and happiest life for her and myself.

We went the Canada Day Parade on sunday. Savannah Ashley and myself. We were even interviewed by CTV news, it was so cool. Savannah enjoyed it very much, there were alot of new floats this year. Nice to see the community get so involved. After the parade we walked to the park for more festivities. We had a wonderful day out.