Awestruck

Well today is the worst day I've had in a very long time. One of those days where you realize that those other days weren't so bad.
Lets see, I woke up late! I realized that I didn't go to the store and get stuff for her lunch. So I thought no big deal, just make it after and bring it up to her. I went out to start the car and it won't start. I took out my booster and it was dead lol. So I got out the plug in booster from the garage and it didn't have enough boost to boost the fucking car!!!!! So...... I went back in side, told Savannah that I would bring her lunch up later and we were walking to school. So while we are walking to school, I took my cell phone out to call mom to tell here I was going to catch a ride with someone to take her truck. My cell phone was suspended.... when I called to find out why, the computer animated system was telling me I didn't exist. So we walked on to school, didn't see anyone I knew to get ride. Got home again and put the car on a slow charge. Throw some close in the laundry, blah blah...... try the car it works! Run to the co-op, get stuff for Savannah's lunch, go home make it, then bring it up. Run to the day care to make her payment before I lost that, only to find out my mom( who is a goddess) has just make the payment for me. Look at the time, it is already 11 am and I have to be to work in an hour!!! My work clothes are still in the washer and I am on the other the side of town. I rush home, put my clothes in the dryer, get showered, get ready, get my ass out the door to work and made it on time for 12pm. Worked a split today, considered training still, but the girl I'm with is awesome so not a big deal.
Get off with 10 min to pick up Savannah, home, change for dance then back to work again for me.
Working for couple hours to find out Mario is on his way to town to pay me some money (some new kick he's on , won't knock it though). So I pull my shift, just fine by the way. Then he shows up. Icing on the cake right?
This is night # 2 where he is shown up and been nice!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't know how to take that one. Thanks for helping but...... why now, why is it ok to give up all the bullshit now. After everything he did to me, why now. I think it's easier to handle him with gone completely. I got use to that. But to show up with money and tell me he is sorry and he is going to help out from now on.... just too much to handle. How do you move past someone and be civil to someone who tried to kill you????????????????????????????? Please tell me how. For the first time in my life I can't find it in me to be the bigger person.
I gave up on him being normal a long time ago. Dealt with his drug induced self pity when he would call and offer money. I don't think I'm strong enough to do this...... Not after what he did. I CAN'T..... DON'T KNOW HOW. HOW DO YOU DO THAT???? A person can't do what he did and repent. I can't lie to him, I don't lie. I don't know what to say to him, other than refresh is memory of what he did to me. I never realized how much he don't remember!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He don't remember...... How convenient For him!!!