Awestruck

Have you ever felt broken?

I do sometimes....then sometimes I think I'm ok. I'm happy with being me, I'm happy with being single. It's not the end of the world for me!! Yet some people around me have put the doubt in my mind.

It's been mentioned that maybe I'm broken!!!! I've had "the nice guy" in front of me twice now, and left him!! The guy who would bend over and take it up the ass ( almost ) for me!! Yet some how I manage to find all the reasons to not be with them. The really ironic thing is they both had the same name!!!!!!!! OMG!!!! Once when I was 18 and the next well 29.

It's been mentioned that I like the bad guy lol. Well maybe so, does that mean that I won't have my happy ending? Maybe I don't want that 5 million dollar house with "you know who" maybe I don't want to be a stay at home wife with no self respect! I can't be someone I'm not!! Why can't I have the guy that makes me feel alive! The one that turns me on! I have learned about myself, and I'm not the white picket fence and afternoon tea!! Its not that I don't want nice things. I don't want to change who I am in the process. Yes I maybe rough around the edges, but I want someone who likes me. Not what he thinks I should become!! Go ahead and give me a white picket fence that's ok, just give me a BBQ with my friends and a bottle of Zinfandel, or a Bud!! Slip and slide for the kids, and me lol.

Obviously my track record shows that the guys who take my heart are also the ones who break it. The guys I'm attracted too are usually the wrong ones... or are they????

Maybe it's my way of finding what works for me, what I like!! I'm living my life, only one of them really hurt me, like traumatically!! The others were romances that didn't work, we had fun and enjoyed each others company and I learned things about myself along the way.

Does that mean I'm broken?? Or I am screwed up from Mario and can't handle a real commitment?

WTF!?!?

I would like to think that I'm on the right track! I am normal lol, somewhat anyways lol. And most of all I am Happy now!!! Hear me world.... I am happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am doing what's right for me!! No one else.... I have a friend who I like, he makes me smile every time I see him. I like to hear his voice and see his smile!! I'm happy with that, we get to hang once in a while, not often, but we find the time.... sometimes lol.